Not a great time to be alive, but hey, it’s all about the little things.
I’ve been feeling blue lately. I don’t feel as energetic as I usually am, heck even getting out of bed is becoming a drag. Living a routine life is truly soul crushing, but I always realize that it’s necessary, and well… I just have to go through the motions of the mundane everydayness.
I’m very familiar to these terrible mood swings, and they affect me in ways that hinder me in dreadful forms. It gets as far as working the effort and energy to crack a smile that I truly mean, or to even converse with people. The worse part is that I’m not putting enough time in my studies… I always faze out, and my mind gets blurry whenever I attempt to read, or even write. It’s horrible alright, and I hope that things get better real soon.
The only thing that I look forward to however, even with all my sadness and state of being right now, is seeing her everyday, well… not everyday, but whenever my eyes fall on her. It’s crazy I know, and I’m usually not like that. But when the love bug crawls in, oh boy. All hell breaks loose for me, but in a good way.
Seeing her makes me happy, even a little hello, and a small nod or wave, make my shitty present days better. That’s how bad of a state I’m in right now, but I’ll take whatever I can get. It helps and I don’t mind having this naive sort of high school reminiscent crush. It’s the little things that get me by, and that’s the only little thing that does get me by, or the only little thing I have going on.
I’ll take that small dosage of happiness, even if nothing eventually happens, and most probably nothing will.
Feelings unintentionally violated,
Drifting sideways upon the empty threads.
The needle with its partition disease,
Gently tipping my vein,
Tapping my life away in a swift prick,
Filling my intentionally violated feelings,
With the medicine of life,
The elixir of eternal joy.
Vivid dreams and luxury within,
Colors all around my selfless being,
Floating away with ease and trust
In what keeps me, me.
The potion of immortality,
A part of my existence.
Shuddering and quivering for more,
Wrapped around my body,
Feelings of certain fatality.
What keeps me alive,
Takes my life away.
Happiness is temporary,
But so is life.
I better think twice then.
I have a few things I wanted to get off my chest. I’ve been feeling a bit down rcently, and I always find that strange.
I know that’s a weird thing by itself, to find feeling down as peculiar. I don’t, It’s just that sometimes I don’t realize how blessed I really am in my life.
Wondering how to do this and that, searching for an answers on different things, I don’t want to do that anymore. That never gets me anywhere. It chains me and keeps me down. This overthinking is a nightmare, a true real life waking nightmare. It’s horrible. I hate it, and I don’t want it anymore.
I’m not the most altruistic person in the world, but I try my best to do my share of goodness in the world. I’m getting an education, and I have food and a bed to sleep on every night. That’s all one needs. I won’t let the small mundane things of everyday life get in the way anymore.
What possessed to take such a move is the fact that I’ve been living in this vicious cycle of doubt. This doubt is crumbling, tearing me to pieces. What is there to life if you only doubt? What next, am I to doubt my own doubts? It became ridiculous. I wasn’t feeling like myself, or what I wish myself to be.
All is good in my life at this moment. I have no reason to feel down, I have no reason to doubt, I have no reason to rot away my life because of merely nothing, or even everything.
All I know is that from now on, I’ll try to be a different person. I’ll try to embrace the grandness and simple joys of this short existence that we call life.
I’m going to bed now, knowing that I’ll wake up to see the sun tomorrow. Life is great, and there’s nothing wrong with the world.