Death of Satisfaction

I don’t know what or how to feel anymore.


Don’t you hate it sometimes when things are going just spectacularly shitty? Well that’s what I’m going through right now I suppose.

I hate this stupid fucking feeling man. This eeriness that surrounds everything around me is just haunting, and not in the cheap horror movie sense, but in the literal sense.

I’m trying to be positive, but I’m barely satisfied, and I don’t feel sure of how everything is building up. I have a plan, sure. There are things in motion, however it’s not jolting for me.

It’s the little things. It’s the tiniest of little things that just manage to thwart any shred of satisfaction or comfort I might have.

From the inability to manage a date with anyone recently, to not being able to eat the food that I like… The list goes on and on. The worst of the whole lot is feeling that I’m not on the right path in terms of a lifetime of employment. This one is really scaring me. Do I want to be a teacher for the rest of my working life? I’m not so sure, and this is no walk in the park decision. Growing up is scary, and I hope I’m up to the challenge, but right now, it doesn’t feel this way.

Everything and everyone around me makes me feel lonely that it’s not even funny anymore. I keep wishing I could see my friends more, but I don’t make enough effort to do that, and at the same time they don’t as well. I feel like I’m losing everyone that is around me, and the thought of that is frightening.

Maybe I’m not looking at the brighter side, or perhaps I’m not putting enough effort; well that might be the case to be honest.

It just might be the case.

I don’t know what to feel or how I’m feeling.

This sucks man.

Can Pleasure Lead to Happiness?

Interesting question indeed.

Happiness: the ultimate goal that all humans strive towards in their short-lived life on this planet we call earth, well not all humans of course, we don’t want to leave the nihilists out of the picture here on a funny note. While discussing the notion of happiness, you are bound to stir controversy, as different people have different perception on what makes us happy. This can be quite problematic while diving deeper into the situation we have at hand, which is: can pleasure lead to happiness?

If one is to argue that pleasure indeed, does not lead to happiness, I’m certain the scope is broader than arguing for the latter. However, I’ll be targeting both sides of the pendulum and hoping to find out a reasonable situation on which I can build my argument around.

First off, if you are to talk about pleasures, we need to understand the different forms of pleasure that can be achieved in this world. Some people might go for artistic pleasure, or some people might strive for bodily pleasures, and so forth, it’s a recurrent cycle just like the flipping of a coin when it comes to counting the different forms of pleasures that humans can try to attain in their lifetimes, or try to sustain in a broader sense of things. This talk about the abundant amount of pleasures available to us, prompts up the talk about Utilitarianism. Personally, I love to keep the definition of Utilitarianism sweet and short, it’s simply the greatest amount of utility (pleasures, benefits, …) for the greatest number of people realistically achievable to. Plain and simple. However, what is important of this mentioning of Utilitarianism, is its founder Jeremy Bentham. He’s highly important because he invented what I’m basing this argument on, which is the Hedonic Calculus. The Hedonic Calculus aims to statistically or mathematically measure the certain act you are trying to do on a pleasure and pain scale, and the comparison of the scores should afterwards prompt you towards venturing forward with the action intended or backing out of it. Now I know that this ‘scale’ was highly rejected in the philosophical realm, but I beg to differ. It offers a very pragmatic way to solving this swing-state that always seems to happen to people before indulging in a certain state of pleasure. Humans are quite good at knowing what can harm them, and what certain types of pleasures are not for them, so I don’t find this method to be problematic at all. Let me give a practical everyday life example on which I can base an actual function of the Hedonic Calculus. Let’s take the example of playing the violin on first hand. Playing an instrument is very intense, and can lead to a strong pleasure. Learning to play an instrument is pleasurable on the long run as well, so it’s going to last for quite a long time. If someone willingly goes for learning the violin for a choice, then the percentage of the pleasure to occur from the music played is likely. Like everything else, learning takes some time, but with patience, soon the learner will be able to get the attainable pleasure soon. There’s nothing as sensible and emotional as playing music, so concurrently, playing the violin will spark a lot of emotions in you. Also, playing the violin is the purest of acts, no bad pleasures I can think of that can occur because of it. By adopting the violin as your source of pleasure, you aren’t negatively affecting anyone, on the contrary, you can emit your pleasure by playing to other people. I just followed the seven different ‘steps’ on which someone can base a pleasure and what it radiates based on the Hedonic Calculus, and in terms of practicality, it certainly sounds very effective to me.

On this basis, pleasure can lead to happiness, but a problem is present. What if playing the violin stopped providing pleasure? What if at an older age, your fingers simply cannot handle the instrument anymore? What if at a younger age you simply gave? There’s always different things we must take into consideration with this literal measurement of calculating pleasure, and the rebuttal to it was very minimal and simple, and it was the few lists of questions that I provided.

In terms of happiness, let’s try to now deconstruct the notion of pleasure leading to happiness, since we already paved the way in the latter example of questionnaires.

The example of pleasure that I gave, which is playing a musical instrument, isn’t a type of pleasure that most ordinary people in the world would strive for. When talking about pleasure, the first thing to pop to one’s head is sexual, or worldly pleasures, and that’s actually very true in concern to pleasure. Most people view these generic ‘wants’ as pleasure, and they are entitled to do just that. For Plato, this is problematic, and he classifies those material needs as the ‘appetitive element’. The other elements in Plato’s Republic strive for being in line with your spirit, and achieving things that would fulfill you on a spiritual level. Plato here only proves that we need to strive or achieve a balance, on order to get to the desirable happiness that usually every human wants in life.

Deontological ethics in my opinion is the best weapon to fight against the argument at place. We simply have to take in the ethical codes of conduct and the rules at hand in terms of actions and their moralities. This applies because pleasurable actions usually have ethical boundaries to them, usually advocated to by a certain set of rules, and that’s only normal. Let’s say for example, someone achieves their pleasure that leads to their happiness by committing rape against young children. This is unethical, and the rules of society bind us with a duty to not commit such an act, even if it might lead to our happiness. I find this very appropriate while dealing with this type of pleasures, because often society rules in our favor against them, and people simply can’t indulge in such acts as rape, or they simply need mental help if they still insist on doing so, or being sent to jail.

We can also look in the scope of virtue ethics while dealing with the aspect of pleasure. Virtue ethics have to do with the person and his build up, and what makes us human. We should act in a way that shifts away from the deontological ethics of duty and act in a way that gets us closer to our characters, and to who we are, and lead us to a place where happiness is found in the bigger picture, not just in pleasures. For example, Aristotle (the father of Virtue Ethics), says that friendship can lead us to happiness, hence the pleasure of friendship. Our happiness doesn’t necessarily have to do with what is mundane, or simple pleasures that is. The enhancement and development of all these good virtues will lead us to the point of Eudaimonia, which is happiness, and this consequently leads us to a satisfying life.

For me personally, away from all the philosophical explanations of the fact that if pleasure can lead to happiness, my answer to that is that I’m simply still not sure yet. I know this doesn’t come off as deep, but I just don’t have enough experience yet in life, to determine what is it that has yet to drive me to reach my state of what I call happiness. Sure, I have desires like everyone else, but I still find it very early to even think of my desires having a long term effect on my happiness. Or maybe, I’m just a nihilist that sees no pleasure and seeks no happiness? Perhaps. I still think it’s early to tell for me.

As our technology advances, and as humanity grows, I think that happiness is something we will always try to strive for, no matter what the means of achieving it is. I find humans hard-wired or ‘programmed’ in some way to indulge in what they find can make them happy, and I don’t think humans will ever change in regards of that. Does indulging in what we find as pleasure worth it? All we can do is try if we really have to, and see where that takes us.

Unrequited Love

It can be hard for some, but not for me!

Unrequited love is the best kind of love.

I know that it might be an oxymoronic thing to say, but everytime I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of emotions and feelings, I feel great. It is truly a wonderful feeling, when you know you love someone, and you know they don’t love you back.

I feed from that, I take everything I can from it, and sometimes I even crave it. It’s a very mysterious trait that I have, and it puzzles me to the core. Whenever I happen to fall into this, I am a different and better person. My energy boosts up to unimaginable levels, I feel like I have nothing to lose, it gives me an unspoken kind of confidence that manages to take me into personal heights I never knew I had.

The only let down is, that all these feelings are short lived. I move on too quickly, rather too fast, but in that short period of time, like I said, I take everything, and I don’t have to give back anything. All the creativity from the feelings attained, all the courage, all the reckless regretting behavior that transcends me to newer states of being, it is all worth it.

Heartbreak doesn’t scare me, not at all. I loathe and disdain myself sometimes for wanting it. That’s why to me, Unrequited love is the best kind of love. It is the love that you know you have, and that you know you can give. However, you don’t end up sharing that love with the other, but with yourself.

Don’t be afraid of heartbreak, and don’t be afraid of love. These feelings are rare, so take advantage of them, use them selfishly if all fails and things don’t go your way. After all, you never know what life has in line for you.

In the words of Sir James Matthew Barrie,

Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow”.

The Cultural Shift after Trump

We live in interesting times.

Now that Trump is at the helm of power in the United States, a crucial and critical cultural shift is bound to happen. Through the power of the internet and social media, prior to the entire Trump frenzy, an amazing movement was happening, and it was quite simply the meme culture.

Trump knew how to play his cards strategically, and appealed to those who are easier to reach, and to those who are willing to realize political rhetoric. This is where Hillary Clinton, in my opinion of course, failed.

Donald Trump utilized and used the vast influence he had, through social media, and the massive reach he had to the masses, even though Hillary won the popular vote. This is key here, when looking at the type of audience both managed to attribute towards their respective sides.

Hillary failed with the over-glorification of herself, and huddling towards the votes of millennials and social justice warriors, add to that a spray of Hollywood influence, which any ‘reasonable’ voter knew would have zero influence on them.

Trump grasped a smarter approach, and that was evident throughout the entire process, and all the way up to the speech that Trump did today in his Inauguration. He reached the common people, and not just that, but spoke with a rhetoric that was a lot more convincing and compelling than that of Hillary Clinton. The grandiose influence of his supporters over the world wide web was also key. Having political support from people with great social media influence in terms of politics of course, is arguably a lot more efficient than quite literally appealing to Hollywood liberals, and those with only a limited view of the picture perfect progressive world.

This all relates to the cultural shift that awaits. We’re looking at something more direct, something that Americans, and people around the world haven’t been used to for a while. The more traditional and ‘old’ America if one might say, awaits us. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Everything is still vague and general, and that is to be expected. It’s hard for a newly appointed president to tell his entire plans, except for a few endpoints that are repeated throughout the campaign process. Now is the real moment who all realize and live what is actually going to happen.

During the lifespan of this fierce battle of presidency, a new ‘era’ spawned and spiraled out from the internet war that was going on. I can easily say that 2016 was the year where people started realizing and opened their eyes to the cognitive dissonance and abnormalities in the logic spewed. People became a lot more aware to the implications of a certain ideology, and by this I definitely mean the Cultural Marxism that was tapping towards insanity. This was one of the main ‘backers’ to put it simply of Trump. Everyone was tired and started realizing the flaws in a collective thought spectrum, that didn’t make any sense.

The ‘meme’ culture I mentioned above, is also a shift that wasn’t expected. Even Hillary Clinton herself and those who campaigned for her, marked a ‘meme frog’, Pepe, as racist and sexist. Yes, this is how far memes had an impact on the entire process. You could find hundreds even thousands of Facebook pages, twitter pages, blogs, etc. all over the internet that supported either side, or those who were indifferent, and that played a vital role on the outcome, and shaped people’s perceptions and realizations on what to decide as for votes. The power of a simple picture on the internet, shouldn’t be held of it’s importance.

Personally, I have mixed feelings on this. I was excited about this particular election war, and I knew that Trump would come out the victor. I didn’t support any of the candidates, but I’m sure glad that Hillary Clinton wasn’t the one to clinch the electoral college, as it would be far more interesting to see what someone outside the modern American establishment would do, or what actions he would take when appointed as President of the United States, which as of today, Donald Trump is.

We live in an interesting time, and I’m glad to be alive to witness how the world around us is changing.

Sweet Stuff

Time to lose that weight.


Food has been one of the major mishaps of my life, yes I mean that quite literally. I eat way too much than my body needs, and this has been keeping me down for quite a long time.

I’m not excruciatingly obese to the point where I can’t get out of bed, but for sure I could lose a lot of weight, no doubt whatsoever.

Personally, I’ve thought this through and through, and I always come up with the same interpretation as to how much I eat of course, and it isn’t something mind blowing or spectacularly psychological, but the reason for my over-eating is the simplicity of the fact that I love the taste of food, way more than the regular person. Just the sensation of good (junk) food breaking down in my mouth, gives my euphoric sensations (which is a bad thing thinking about it now).

I wouldn’t classify myself with those who would say that the reason they overindulge in food or ‘binge-eating’ is due to some personal dysfunction or as a coping mechanism to fight something off, a way to forget some things that an individual might be going through. Don’t get me wrong, that’s quite harsh when a person truly suffers from this, and it can be a huge pain to overcome this on a psychological level. Many obese people fall for this due to many complications, and this is an actual disease, which can be very hard to overcome.

Whenever I’d have an overwhelmingly delicious meal, or any kind of sweet savoury mouth watering type of food, I feel bad. I don’t feel bad for eating, but I feel bad because I can do better. I’m not one of those who thinks that being ‘fat’ or ‘overweight’ is okay, no, I think it’s something that anyone can get out of with the right amount of work and the perfect suitable diet for his/her needs.

Often times I think I give this ‘excuse’ of simply loving how food taste as a shield to fend myself off the reality that I need to exercise more, I need to eat healthier, I need to eat cleaner, etc.

This notion of being fat by choice has only kept me down for a long time. I have to change, I mean, I always find myself thinking, ‘is it really THAT hard to get my ass off the couch and go for a run, or to join a gym?’. The answer is simple, no it’s not that hard.

I’ve delt and been through alot in my short existence of twenty-one. By hell, I won’t let the excess fat on my body, that was my own doing, to keep my down anymore.

I’ll go as far as saying that this is not okay. I don’t want to be accepted in a society in the way that I am now. This is one of the harshest mistakes and wrongdoings caused by political correctness. Being fat and obese shouldn’t be celebrated. Being lazy shouldn’t be celebrated, and yes, I’m applying this to my own self. I won’t find any excuses anymore for being a lazy, food junkie that doesn’t want to better himself. I’m better than this, I’m better than all this crap I keep shoving down my throat. I’m not falling for the oh so standards of society in terms of fitness. I’m not one of those who shout ‘yeah! It’s okay to be fat! Rock that body you go, random fat person!’. That’s wrong and on so many levels I’ve come to realize. Being fit and healthy isn’t a ‘social construct’, it’s the only sane choice a human being can make in order to have a healthy and lasting existence.

No more excuses. I will become a better person, not for society, not for anyone else, but for myself.

I’ll try my best, and I will fight as hard as it takes, to achieve my goals, and to lose all this heaviness that I inflicted upon myself.

All that sweet stuff, I’ll have to put on hold. Time for change.

The Sun Always Shines

Don’t doubt, just live.

I have a few things I wanted to get off my chest. I’ve been feeling a bit down rcently, and I always find that strange.

I know that’s a weird thing by itself, to find feeling down as peculiar. I don’t, It’s just that sometimes I don’t realize how blessed I really am in my life.

Wondering how to do this and that, searching for an answers on different things, I don’t want to do that anymore. That never gets me anywhere. It chains me and keeps me down. This overthinking is a nightmare, a true real life waking nightmare. It’s horrible. I hate it, and I don’t want it anymore.

I’m not the most altruistic person in the world, but I try my best to do my share of goodness in the world. I’m getting an education, and I have food and a bed to sleep on every night. That’s all one needs. I won’t let the small mundane things of everyday life get in the way anymore.

What possessed to take such a move is the fact that I’ve been living in this vicious cycle of doubt. This doubt is crumbling, tearing me to pieces. What is there to life if you only doubt? What next, am I to doubt my own doubts? It became ridiculous. I wasn’t feeling like myself, or what I wish myself to be.

All is good in my life at this moment. I have no reason to feel down, I have no reason to doubt, I have no reason to rot away my life because of merely nothing, or even everything.

All I know is that from now on, I’ll try to be a different person. I’ll try to embrace the grandness and simple joys of this short existence that we call life.

I’m going to bed now, knowing that I’ll wake up to see the sun tomorrow. Life is great, and there’s nothing wrong with the world.

The U.S Elections

Move on. Work together for your country.

There’s something that’s mind boggling me when it comes to the whole debacle that just went down in the States today. I don’t know whether to laugh at it, or just feel bad, for the individuals who absolutely have no understanding of politics whatsoever.

Donald Trump won. End of story. I just can’t believe that some people don’t have any respect for the electoral system that is in place. I’ve been reading all sorts of articles and news bits about so called ‘riots’ from people who are ‘not happy’ with the results. I mean, people have spoken, and they have voted. Move the fuck on. Instead of dwelling on the results, and simply naming out the majority of the U.S people who voted for Trump for crying out loud. You are the minority here, in terms of electoral numbers and voters.

Another thing I noticed was the insane use of words like sexist, bigot, homophobe, xenophobe, and so on. I mean, saying Trump is ‘literally Hitler‘, isn’t actually a political argument you can back your candidate of choice with. I think that was one of the main reasons why the voting fell short on Hillary’s side. Not just that, I think the killing blow was when Hillary called all Trump voters ‘deplorables’, along with the Wikileaks that also were key in her losing.

You might not agree with Trump in terms of policy: THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT.

Don’t go on with the rhetoric of saying overused cliche insults that lead to no political discourse whatsoever. That’s where Trump had the edge. He knew how to deal with all of this, and he deserves a lot of respect for that, also his supporters.

This is as simple as it gets: some people’s candidate of choice lost, and some people’s candidate of choice won.

All American people should put their hands together now, and move on and try to make their country better with Trump in the helm, that was even said today by Hillary herself in her concession speech. MOVE ON.

I honestly don’t care for any of this, my country is fucked up and that’s already enough to keep my mind busy, but for fuck’s sake, get your shit together and move forward. If having the Republican candidate as president is the worst blow you’ve ever gone through, to the extent where you need ‘crying spaces‘ or a fucking ‘cry in’ to mourn, like what happened in Cornell, then trust me, the world is going to be an unforgiving place for you.
Devastated Cornellians ‘Mourn’ Election of Donald Trump at Cry In

Both candidates are controversial, and both have their ups and downs, but like I said before, this is POLITICS. It’s about political parties, and simply the Republicans clinched this one. That doesn’t mean there should be a division, but instead a unity should take place, no matter what you think of either candidate.

Final note, in my opinion at least, if we didn’t have social media, this would have gone EXACTLY like what I’m talking about, as an actual political presidential race. The main stream media was so drenched in their own shit, spewing crap against both candidates, and providing false rhetoric and perspective, especially against Trump. Also, I’m frazzled by people who actually care what famous people have to think about this. Who cares if Jay-Z or fucking Miley Cyrus backs any of them, how does this sway any voter? I have no idea… It’s just absolutely shocking to see people being influenced by pop icons who don’t know anything. Just remember that, and have a logical and unbiased mind while processing information.

All I have to say is that good luck with what’s coming on next in the U.S chapter of history. I hope the 45th president does you good. Bad luck for Hillary and her supporters, and congratulations for Donald Trump and his supporters.