Some things will never change.
The dripping stains I see them clear,
with every passing wave,
I stay still and feel,
the tears falling onto my shirt.
They plummet with a heaviness unseen,
unwitnessed and unfelt before.
Like the rain in October,
slightly felt and clearly seen.
With the foolishness of a fool
I tread heavily into maze,
full of despair and agony,
burning like indistinguishable fuel.
My heart clasped with a cumbersome
ashamed feeling of a daze.
I feel sick in my stomach
as I never fail to amaze,
the belligerent fool in me.
The same mistakes over and over again.
I get disgusted with myself sometimes,
from the pathetic, finicky heart of mine,
that never seems to give me any time,
to process things,
and tread with refrain.
I fall in love too easily,
and I will always remain a fool.
Someone please help me,
to find the fucking cure.
Gravity is bound to catch you.
Your teardrops fall and drip,
blasting heavily onto the floor beneath
with gravity taking claim of the salty,
and heavy sadness.
Gravity carries your ample tears
anxiously and without doubt.
It is always there for you.
Grappling with a major calamity,
you tremble with mighty agony
as pieces of the puzzle around you,
fall and tumble down onto the ground.
They are carried by gravity.
Your knees tremble
and your hands shake.
Your entire being descends,
and crashes onto the surface,
with all your burdens,
carried by gravity.
Loneliness is bliss, sometimes. Not really.
Dealing with loneliness is tough. It creeps on your back, and feels like whips lashing on your fragile skin. It can be a slow and painful death, that makes you fade away, little by little. The story of my loneliness is unmatched, and unimaginable.
Spending your days, with patience and hopefulness is a tiresome lifestyle. The patience, of finally being relieved and uplifted from this ghastly burden laying on your soul is fucking miserable. A truly bittersweet feeling. It’s often said that patience is key, well fuck that. I don’t know how long one can last in this drivel. As for hopefulness, it only makes you hopeless. The fact that you know yourself, and the fact that everything you long for, comes back to bite you in the ass, is dreadful. I’ve been hopeful for so long that I lost track now.
Loneliness is something I don’t even wish upon my worst enemies. You know man, I keep trying. That’s the thing, I guess. I should just stop at this point. I suppose some people were bound to stay alone forever. I am sick and tired of cliche and trite relationships or hook ups. It’s unnatural to lead such a life. I truly feel like I’m missing the sincere part of feeling wanted, and this is a fundamental human feeling. It is one of the few things missing from my life, but it affects more than it should I suppose.
We live in such a weird time, and place right now. We’ve reached the point, where the mutual feeling of love and affection, is hard to achieve. This is what I’m witnessing every single day. People just keep drifting away from each other, in every single way possible. Be it love, family, or friends man. It’s just a vicious cycle of people dismantling the natural aspect of oneness and the desire to be what we have to be. Everyone is so fucking nihilistic, sarcastic, and intent on being the worst possible version of themselves. I don’t know what is sparking all this damn mania in everyone. I don’t know… Is everyone lonely as well? At this point, It might be the case.
All I know is that, one day, I want to fill in this tiny but huge gap right in the center of my soul. I truly hope this day can come quickly. I want my loneliness to go away. Or maybe I don’t. It’s said that satisfaction is the death of desire. Maybe my loneliness is what keeps me going. The thing that kills me the most, is what’s keeping me alive. That’s a pretty fucking wonderful life if you ask me.
Transition and growth is always good.
I’ve been shuffling through life for the past three months now, and transition is alive and well. Many different aspects of my life have been changing, and are still changing. It’s crazy to recall back to almost two or three years ago, contemplating a miserable existence, while at the same time, I was convincing myself life was mine to grab. Things weren’t going my way, however life has been pleasant to me thus far, and I’ve been taking it by storm.
Many aspects of my personality are changing, which is something I didn’t quite honestly expect. Throughout my college years, I was someone who was weak, gullible and had no control over the nature of my choices, where I had to ask everyone around me for advice. There’s nothing wrong with asking others for advice, however it showed me clearly that there was something faulty in my own behavior, and in my own personality. Growth in a person usually takes time, and I feel like the past few years have all been building up to this moment, where I break the chains of the average, and transcend, ,and finally make something out of myself.
I have a job now, which was something I never had before. I didn’t anticipate or it never came up to me, that the responsibilities at hand, might actually be enjoyable. I understand the nature of growing up now, and taking matters to your own hands now. I don’t care that all this came late in my life, I’m just thankful to be alive, to have responsibilities, and most importantly, I’m thankful that there is a future for me to look forward to.
WHOA what a throwback. I was digging around through the books I own, and out fell a piece of paper written on it the first poem I ever wrote. I remember I was maybe in the tenth grade, and it was about a girl, and let’s just say, things were quite messy. This poem made me realize that writing and expressing yourself, no matter the outcome, can be truly therapeutic.
The day I knew it will never be,
Jasmine, I thought she would set me free.
My heart beating faster, waiting for a reply…
It was devastating, I vowed never again to try.
Overwhelmed with emotions I almost died,
never anticipating such a wry.
The girl you loved and dreamed about, day and night
never shared the same love for you,
what a surprise.
Tears filled up my eyes, my heart was broken,
every expectation turned out to be
I was madly, insanely, deeply in love
and I linger…
But it will never be.
Knowing it will never be, I wait for the night,
hoping to see her in my dreams,
hoping it will turn into reality.
The night is a long way away,
and day dreams are stale, obsolete.
But I knew it will never be.
Jasmine, I know you’ll be happy someday.
You’ll shine in the sky for your lover one day…
But why not shine for me, Jasmine?
Oh yeah I forgot.
It will never be.
Children laying down,
broken, exposed and frail beyond comprehension.
Shadows strike within the glass,
reflecting the reflections of the tiny,
up towards the sky.
lost in the mystery of deception,
screaming with no perception
of what happens next.
Locked and bound
to their everlasting demise.
The only memory left of them,
the one reflected towards the heavens,
where heaven is nowhere to be reached.
Their hands tangled into one another,
with the footsteps getting closer,
they pray to the heavens.
They pray to the only thing that can save them,
yet the prey,
the prey devours them inside the house of heaven.
The Children shrieking their confessions,
shouting at the haunted curse,
that took their childhood away.
The curse approaches them,
noises made like the sound of skulls
rattling and signaling,
the voices of a null, beast-like,
and unforgiving savage.
The clock is ticking
and the Children pray,
as the prey gets closer.
Skulls and bones.
I hate this time of year.
The spring is ending,
bending all in it’s way.
Summer on the horizon
with disappointment and regret,
with failure stacked up,
like an organized stack of hay
embedded within my being.
The sorrow, the sorrow,
nothing can be said about it.
It hits while you’re on your way,
That’s the effect of springtime on me.
I’m going towards the unknown,
or better yet,
the unknown is chasing me.
Fuck you spring,
I sincerely mean that.