Peach

Peaches are tasty as fuck.

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Shadows linger and playfully sway along the sidewalks,
I stare at them while eating my peach.

What a specific fruit to be eating,
And what a specific day to be clearing,
My mind with the company of shadows.

Peaches are tasty I must say,
But the horror that is looming and oozing about
Is rather something ominous without a shred of doubt.

The shadows are there, and I feel them close,
I consume my peach rather swiftly,
I detect the anomalies within the air
And all of a sudden, my peach falls, descending quickly
Right down towards the ground.

It’s a shame I have to admit
That my peach is gone and will never exist,
It was a special peach, I loved it.
What a chagrin it is,
And I plead you never experience this.

Darn you shadows
Unlawfully floating about.
You linger through and through
With all this clout…

But what about my peach I say! That’s important too.
Everything is a clout chaser nowadays,
Even you shadows, even you…

Wrinkles

Wonderful experience.

Her wrinkles shine,

with every frown she takes.

An older woman they said,

but make no mistake,

like fine wine,

wrinkles full of life.

Face full of living,

glistening and shining,

marks of an existence,

time spent on the surface,

without any resistance,

I approach her.

I stare down into her soul,

and her into mine,

youth and age,

bundled up into a shrine,

beams erupting from the glares,

as we continue to stare,

down the rabbit hole.

I will never forget her frowns,

her sighs,

and especially her wrinkles.

Norwegian Wood: Review

Excellent novel for me.

This is the first Haruki Murakami I’ve ever read, and to say the least, I was vastly impressed.

I didn’t know what to expect, but I thought, why not take a friend’s recommendation with a book seriously for once, and I’m glad I did. I don’t usually read fiction, but this was a pleasant surprise by all means.

What I enjoyed mostly was the depth and plethora of different themes provided. The highlight theme however, has to be death for me. The notion of suicide and how it recurred throughout was a central existentialist whirlwind to the reader. From Kizuki’s suicide, to Naoko’s, even to Watanebe’s nihilism, death was always lingering around it seems. On the complete counter-part of the theme of death, comes along life, and the essence of it, which is Midori, like an eruption into Watanebe’s life. It’s an interesting mixture, and I absolutely enjoyed how Murakami was able to use such themes with great care.

Aside from themes and such, the descriptions were at times beautiful, yet at other times rugged and showed you the nature of the places where you were put in a mind-set by which you can easily imagine the places that Murakami was writing about. The first thing that comes to mind regarding this, was the place that Naoko was being treated in. The Ami Hostel seemed like a real place to me, as a reader, and I imagined Naoko there, struggling to reattach herself into something whole again, with the help of her friend Reiko. The restaurants, the streets, the pubs, and the sexual imaginations add a touch of genius I might say, from the way everything was vividly described. This is probably the easiest fictional work I’ve been able to imagine whilst reading. It was like a movie playing in my head most of the time, and that’s very rare to happen to me, since I do read quite a lot.

I enjoyed how the novel itself started, and this plays perfectly on the aspect of time, since Watanebe is introduced to us at his 30’s , and how we have this loophole of 16-17 years where we have no idea what was occurring during his life.

The ending however, can be a hit or miss with some people, but to me, it was perfect. You are left with a sense of confusion, yet somehow it is a good type of confusion. You somehow know what the outcome might be, but fate and the optimism that Watanebe had might make you think of another ending, this is where Murakami hit a home run for me.

It was a solid, and entertaining read. I found myself thinking about the characters, and the complexity of each one of them. May it be Storm Trooper, Toru’s eccentric roommate, or Reiko, Naoko’s friend, I felt like I could relate to all of them, which is commendable.

I loved this novel, and I honestly can’t wait to read more of Haruki Murakami’s work. I finished Norwegian Wood in two days, I’m curious how indulging and grasping his other works will be, I’m about to find out.

 

Rain

The rain is nice — sometimes.

Whispering gently into my ear,

your words brought me satisfaction.

I pondered day in and day out

about what they might mean.

Satisfaction wasn’t enough,

and no matter how rough

the situation was,

I lingered upon the threads of the promises made.

I have only but memories of utterances you rained down upon me.

They kept me safe.

Even when the airwaves strike my face,

and grace of rain hails down from space,

all I can see,

feel,

and touch,

are the words of unholy contentment.

A pure delight.

Someone New, #8

Maybe…

I haven’t written one of these in a while, and now seems like a decent time to. I know with my previous posts it is quite clear that I was feeling lonely, and painstakingly lonely that is, but I met someone recently, in a coincidence that I didn’t expect at all.

I guess you can say we have our loneliness in common, and that’s scaring me. Yet, it is really exciting at the same time. I never thought I’d have a glimpse of hope while I was spiraling down into a bit of dark and disturbing loneliness. Would you call this fate? Maybe, but that’s a very cheesy statement to make honestly. We seem to be very self-aware, both of us and this is making it easier and harder at the same time. I can feel that she’s longing for someone, and I’m sure she knows that this is what I feel, and I’m trying to reconcile everything within myself, and I’m trying to take it very slowly, but that’s not how things work with me unfortunately, and I think she noticed that from the get go, and I’m worried that this might be a breaker.

I can feel the chemistry though. Maybe a small glimpse of aspiration and desire that beams through with every single word we say to each other, and it’s a comforting feeling to know that another person might feel this way.

I haven’t felt nervous talking to someone for quite a long time now, and again I’m scared. I’m at the point now where I can’t handle loss, or anything of that type, that’s why I’m trying to tread carefully.

What’s pulling down deeper into this deep pool of muddy curiosity is that I’m worried this might all be in my head as usual…

Please, don’t just be in my head.

 

Isolation

Isolation is not fun.

Surrounded by white giant walls that always seem to be there,

I feel safe.

There’s also my closet, face first towards me, that stares me down to sleep, every single night.

The brownish color of the wood always manages to keep me sheltered, and safe from harm,

But the horror is always looming, and the comfort isn’t always around, and the beautiful color won’t be there to always hold my arm.

This makes me realize that I’m all alone, and it is pretty sad, but I try to stay positive, and I never get mad.

However the loneliness gets intense, and it tangles me in its web of isolation.

It’s okay though, I can always reminsice of the older times, where I had a hint or a notion, of longing to belong to someone, anyone.

I don’t feel safe, and I don’t think I will be for long.

All I can do is hope for a chime, signaling enough passage of time, to a point where I won’t be all alone.

I wish it is not something set in stone.

Isolation kills.

Death of Satisfaction

I don’t know what or how to feel anymore.

Don’t you hate it sometimes when things are going just spectacularly shitty? Well that’s what I’m going through right now I suppose.

I hate this stupid fucking feeling man. This eeriness that surrounds everything around me is just haunting, and not in the cheap horror movie sense, but in the literal sense.

I’m trying to be positive, but I’m barely satisfied, and I don’t feel sure of how everything is building up. I have a plan, sure. There are things in motion, however it’s not jolting for me.

It’s the little things. It’s the tiniest of little things that just manage to thwart any shred of satisfaction or comfort I might have.

From the inability to manage a date with anyone recently, to not being able to eat the food that I like… The list goes on and on. The worst of the whole lot is feeling that I’m not on the right path in terms of a lifetime of employment. This one is really scaring me. Do I want to be a teacher for the rest of my working life? I’m not so sure, and this is no walk in the park decision. Growing up is scary, and I hope I’m up to the challenge, but right now, it doesn’t feel this way.

Everything and everyone around me makes me feel lonely that it’s not even funny anymore. I keep wishing I could see my friends more, but I don’t make enough effort to do that, and at the same time they don’t as well. I feel like I’m losing everyone that is around me, and the thought of that is frightening.

Maybe I’m not looking at the brighter side, or perhaps I’m not putting enough effort; well that might be the case to be honest.

It just might be the case.

I don’t know what to feel or how I’m feeling.

This sucks man.